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  • Clarissa Martinez

Owning Your Season of Singleness


As I discussed in my last blog post about loneliness, my season of singleness (when I was not in a dating relationship), was when I grew with God the most. During that season, He gave me purpose, vision and identity. He truly changed me and molded me in a radical way, and is still continuing His works in me. Just to be clear, from a biblical standpoint, you are single until you are married. So even though I am now in a dating relationship, we are still two single people. That being said, these are all things I still do even though I am currently dating someone! Everything I'll talk about are things I learned when I was not dating and things I have learned throughout my dating experience.



When you marry someone, the two become one (Genesis 2:24). This means, your problems become their problems. Whatever you avoided dealing with when you were single WILL come up in a marriage and can potentially destroy it.



Completely Dive Into Your Relationship with God

This is the #1 thing to do during your singleness, period. Once you get this right, everything else will follow. I PROMISE. Open up your heart, mind and soul to God. Bring everything to Him and ask Him where you need improvement, what you need to change and what you need to trust Him more in. Pray bold prayers. Spend time with God daily and put Him first before anything and anyone else. Don't ever stop seeking Him and prioritizing Him. For me, this meant spending time with Him every day, having worship music on more often than not, finding a church, joining a connect group, and allowing God to change the desires of my heart. Sooner or later, He began to shine light on things I needed to change or get rid of. Places I needed to stop spending my time at and other things I needed to stop entertaining. Basically, anything that took me away from Him.


Let God Take Off Your Load

Past pain can get in the way of future joy. Until you fully heal from past hurts and forgive those who have hurt you, it will be extremely difficult to have a successful and healthy relationship. Ask God where you need healing and what baggage you are still carrying with you that He is waiting to take off of your load. Once you let go, they'll stop holding you back from being grateful for everything God has placed in front of you. You will experience His joy and peace.


Have you been alone long enough to love yourself for who God created you to be?

Mark 12:21 says to love your neighbor as yourself. You can only love your neighbor at the level that you love yourself. If you cannot truly love yourself without anyone else validating you, it will be impossible to truly and unconditionally love someone else. Once you truly love God and have a relationship with Him, you will begin to love yourself because you know where you identity lies.


GET RID OF THESE MINDSETS: "Once I'm married, everything will be better." or "Once I find the right person, they'll fix me."

If I'm being honest, I used to find myself in the first mindset. I thought that once I found someone who I knew would stick around, everything would be better. I would look at those who are married and feel envy. I would think, "Wow I bet they're so happy", a part of me really thought I wouldn't be truly happy until I found someone who wouldn't leave me. This is SO NOT TRUE. If someone was ready to marry me then and there, our marriage would have been a complete mess! Another person does not complete you, they can only compliment you. Your marriage will only be as good as your singleness is.


Self-Reflect

Reflect on past relationships and ask yourself what you did/did not like. If you haven't been in a romantic relationship, think about relationships you have been around and truly know the inside of. What was good or bad about them? What would you want in your own? Make sure you know what your non-negotiable values and characteristics are. Don't forget about these when you meet someone!


Reflect on certain characteristics about yourself that you can improve. Do you have a bad temper? Are you selfish? Are you impatient? Of course, you don't have to be perfect but if there's areas in your life where you can improve.... why not improve so you can be the best version of yourself?



Explore new hobbies, figure out what you like and most importantly, treat yourself ;)

This one kind of speaks for itself but it is SO key. Figure out what you really enjoy and what fills your cup. Do what YOU love to do and do it alone. Invest in your physical, emotional and physical health. Take yourself out on dates. TREAT YOURSELF, whichever way that looks for you! (just don't go into debt or go broke lol)




Once I realized all these things and did them successfully, a HUGE shift happened in my life. I now walk with purpose and identity because God is by my side. I became content with just God and me before a godly man came along. Like attracts like. If you aren't living the best life path, you will attract those who are living that same path. If you are walking with God every day, sooner or later someone else who walks with God every day as well will come along.


Also, this sermon, as well as this series is PERFECT for whatever season of life you are in (single, dating or married). This series quite literally altered the course of my life and led me to God when I needed Him the most : "Single, Not Alone": Mike Todd, Transformation Church



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